December 19, 2016

Love as is

I went to a marriage conference. No, no. I'm not getting married in the near future. But it did enlightened me and made me think of the relationships around me.

I should find someone that I would never lose hope in or lose my respect to. For an everlasting relationship to last, love is only a minuscule part of this huge picture. I must go into a relationship full, and never beg for anything in a relationship. Give as much as I can, and hopefully I would never feel empty, because before anything I must complete me. Another person does not complete me, I complete me. I am not broken, I am already whole.

If I could not find The One, it is fine. Life does not end, it does not devalue me as an individual, nor as a woman. I am still young, there are many more years ahead of me (hopefully). I thought that people would make me feel that I am fulfilled, but sometimes they bring in more sorrow than happiness.

Their expectations made me falter, their expectations had made me feel trapped. I am not perfect. Nobody is, and I can't change who I am. If I want to cater to everyone's needs, I can't. I know I can't, but will they? Will they know that I will say the wrong things or not say the right thing? Will they accept me for all my flaws? .. Will I accept theirs?

I do not want to play this cat and mouse game anymore, I do not want to chase after something only to have it escape me yet again. At one point, if it does escape, so be it. If you love something, you should let it go. Let it go, not because it wants to go, but because it will free you. If it comes back, only then you will know if it is genuine.

The most important thing I know that I don't want is that feeling of being trapped in a marriage. A sinkhole that would consume me whole. And if I am trapped, I would want to be strong enough to walk away. It would probably be the hardest thing I would have had to do at that point, but I hope I'd do it.

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