A man.

I don't know what I want.

Would I want somebody who dotes on me and would never leave my side? Or would I want somebody who lets me have breathing space and lets me do whatever I want?

Would I like a man who has a different idea and perspective on the world or would I be much more comfortable having someone who shares the same views as I have? Or will our disparate worlds of thought evolve together and melt into one? Or will we grow apart and the same views we had before diverge into different paths? 

Would I be content with someone who never backs down during a fight or with someone who compromises? Is it better to droll out our flaws instead of keeping them in? 

Whoever I am with (or not with) in the future, I just hope I would've done my best to keep him. I would fight for what is right, but would back down if I know it is wrong.

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I never got around to publishing this and the post before this one, and I'm almost always surprised when I re-read the things that I write. You know that sensation when you sleep and you unconsciously put your entire body weight on your arm, and your arm never feels like your arm? That's the sensation every time I read writings I've made in the past.

It's like a window into my psyche at that point of time; most of the time it illuminates me more than anything. Who knew past me could teach me this much?

xoxo
Cik Kiah

Love as is

I went to a marriage conference. No, no. I'm not getting married in the near future. But it did enlightened me and made me think of the relationships around me.

I should find someone that I would never lose hope in or lose my respect to. For an everlasting relationship to last, love is only a minuscule part of this huge picture. I must go into a relationship full, and never beg for anything in a relationship. Give as much as I can, and hopefully I would never feel empty, because before anything I must complete me. Another person does not complete me, I complete me. I am not broken, I am already whole.

If I could not find The One, it is fine. Life does not end, it does not devalue me as an individual, nor as a woman. I am still young, there are many more years ahead of me (hopefully). I thought that people would make me feel that I am fulfilled, but sometimes they bring in more sorrow than happiness.

Their expectations made me falter, their expectations had made me feel trapped. I am not perfect. Nobody is, and I can't change who I am. If I want to cater to everyone's needs, I can't. I know I can't, but will they? Will they know that I will say the wrong things or not say the right thing? Will they accept me for all my flaws? .. Will I accept theirs?

I do not want to play this cat and mouse game anymore, I do not want to chase after something only to have it escape me yet again. At one point, if it does escape, so be it. If you love something, you should let it go. Let it go, not because it wants to go, but because it will free you. If it comes back, only then you will know if it is genuine.

The most important thing I know that I don't want is that feeling of being trapped in a marriage. A sinkhole that would consume me whole. And if I am trapped, I would want to be strong enough to walk away. It would probably be the hardest thing I would have had to do at that point, but I hope I'd do it.

New dawn, new Diyanah.

Hello.

This blog had been abandoned for some time and I'd like to revive it.

Going into the new year—and diving into college application essays—I have regretted not keeping a blog up and running. A place where my thoughts can dwell, where memories are preserved and where ramblings are posted. This started out as a fashion blog but I've decided to make it into a lifestyle blog. Combining all the different elements of my life in just one blog, so prepare for the haphazard posts coming your way!

What I want from this blog is just an outlet for me to work on my writing and try to genuinely convey interesting anecdotes or mundane moments or anything really. This is just a space for me to write my thoughts/ideas/daily dilemmas/reviews/whathave yous. On previousblogs that are now dead, I realized they were all what I did and how I did it and with whom, with no point of view or self-reflection. So, here I am, pledging to put some thought into my blog posts—literally.

It's 2015. I'm turning the big 20 this year and Ifeellike nothing has changed.The people around me and the place where I am physically at has changed but I have not changed though, not by a whole lot at least.

Thinking about it, I am only 20, what am I trying to rush into anyway? Adulthood? I'm pretty sure if adult Diyanah is trying to warn me right this instant, it's to tell me to delay adulthood as much as I humanly can. It's not that I want to stay stuck in Neverland, but I know HUGE responsibilities are closely intertwined with adulthood. So let me try to enjoy the end of my teen ood in this new year.

Let the new year begin, and come what may

xx Diyanah

Grey Summer

Still waiting for my future to be decided so, in the meantime might as well ask a friend to shoot me. Photographically, not anatomically. (I am not sure if these words are even in the dictionary. So don't take my word for it.)

Zara sweater, Topshop skirt, Zara pointed court shoes.

Rebecca Minkoff x Man Repeller

Rebecca Minkoff and Leandra Medine aka The Man Repeller are clearly making babies and making googly eyes at each other and covering it up as 'accidentally' running into each other at a local Starbucks shop¹. Not that I disapprove, on the contrary, I appreciate this tragedy-stricken relationship. (There's no tragedy. None whatsoever. But I like unnecessary dramatization, so forgive me) I must say this is a goodass video. Leandra has swag. Also, the video editor(s) and the person who has control over music selection also has swag. 

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1 Since Starbucks has been sprouting everywhere, it has actually become local in every corner of the world. Kinda like HSBC touts itself as 'World's local bank', Starbucks is 'Earth's local overpriced coffee joint'. I actually go there for their Chocolate Frappucinos which are the priciest of them all AND it's not even coffee. So for me it is overpriced. Darn you, Starbucks and your ability to churn out good fraps and make me poor.^↩

Princess Star Killed The Monarchy

credits : Clare Shilland for ELLE France featuring Hanna Verhees via Because I'm Addicted

Sydney

I went to Sydney a few weeks back, just before the whole heat wave came crashing down on Australians. Had a great time but the Internet was sorely missed. I had an important meeting with the Dalai Lama and Obama and we had some tea at the Sydney Opera House. I also hugged koalas and helped set off the amazeballs fireworks at Darling Harbour.

.. Okay, I didn't actually do all those things but I had a great time doing those things, just less impressive. Most favourite moments was the fireworks at Darling Harbour, they were spectacular. Also Bondi Beach, even though the water was frigid cold. The guards had to tell us to get out of the water before the sea monster ate us all up but we declined stating that we had nothing better to do and continued to splash around in the icy waters.